talesofthequadfandomcom-20200215-history
Quotes 2014
As per usual, chaps, please enter your quotes into the right section. If anybody would get the joke, stick it into 'General Interest'; if only you and a group of friends would get it, pop it into 'In-Jokes'. TalesOfTheQuad.wikia.com would like to remind you to ACTUALLY FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE PLEASE. Some quotes which make no sense to the general population have been moved to the In-Jokes section, in the faint hopes that they make sense to SOMEBODY. Likewise, only in-jokes should be put in the in-jokes section. Add in quotes under whichever titles you think it fits. If you need to make a new subheading, e.g for a specific class, please use Heading 4 as otherwise the contents system will screw up. Session 1 Forensic Archaeology "It makes the end of a sentence go BOOM!"- Oisin "I'm an upside-down pear shape"-Billy "I think that even when Julius Caesar was in school he wrote 'Julius is coolius' on the desks"-Billy "Are you sick? Is it polio?"-Charlotte "Whaaat? No muhnee?"-Charlotte 'I can't take anymore of this intellectual masturbation, it's been going on for hours"-Charlotte "The hill of Tara looks like a giant swirly d$$$"-Liam "It was a bad day, I was in the bathroom"-Conor "Eh, it's a fun water sport. Water boarding"-Sally "Don't be negative, that's so middle class"-Oisin "mmm looks like marzipan"-Ellen looking at a bog body "I agree with Charlotte....for once"-Oisin "We need their bodies to further the cause of humanity, and because it looks cool"-Oisín "Sensually maintaining oral hygiene" --Ellen "It has a nice designed bottom"-Billy "lets call it the undercarriage, instead of bottom"-Niamh "We had to watch Scotty Moore whoring around on tv"-Niamh "its not a real degree because he's from a public school"-James Architecture "That's what you get for wearing socks and sandals"- Emma (Instructor) "Banned topics now include Bear Grylls and Junkies." - Jules "Play-Doh perfume? That's amazing! All the kids would smell like play-Doh and I would smell like all the kids." - Adam "I could just record the things you say and have you put away for being insane." - Jules "Jules has gone to help an old lady find the sports centre." - Alice Jules: That's really good what is it? Nathan: It's a fence... "Give me your best argument against incest." - Alice "Getting nosebleed blood all over my dang model trains." - Jules "Oh shit! The ploice!" - Ruairi "Your tampons aren't going to affect me!" - Andrew Micheal: She's gluing glitter to her belly! Jules: Have you never done that? "So we're just on a boat, eating burgers. What else do you do when you're on a boat? Eat burgers, duh." - Jules "I can't find the rubber chicken anywhere!" - Emma (Champ) "Everything is a phallus if you try hard enough." - Adam "Phallus in Wonderland" - Jules "Not a dreary, sort of sad rainbow." - Tim "We need big knockers!" - Grand Designs "They will get shot with lasers and dropped into a pit of junkie-eating Jelly Babies." - Ruairi "No phallic drawings, unless they're buildings. Like that gherkin thing, its like whooosh" - Jules "Something between a cheese fondue and a black hole"- Creepy DVD "Would you like to stroke my sink, Kevin?"- Grand Designs "Give me a fish!" - Emma (Instructor) Micheal: Why would I have metal in my body? Emma (Champ): Well it's just that if you're getting an MRI- Micheal: Yeah I've got a metal dick. If I mass murder everyone here, will I get in trouble. Will they call the ARCs? Oh god!" - Adam (On the subject of Play-Doh) "I'm going to buy one of every flavour- I mean, colour." - Jules "Why go across town when you can go across the hallway?"- Who said that again? -to woman on Grand Designs- "Cool story babe, now get back in the kitchen and make me a chicken dinner" -Alice -points to end of Andrew's pen- "It's a hamster masturbation device" -Hailey Computer Gaming "Lynch Caoin!" - everyone "______ is op, please nerf !" - everyone "General what?" "General Waste." -Alex Criminology Alannah (after Ken had rubbed her back to get her attention): "Why would you touch me?" Ken (to everybody):"Well mush?" Ken (to EmilyTA): "You're a gentlewoman." Siobhán: "What's with everyone thinking I'm a lesbian?" Ken (showing a picture of his girlfriend): "The fat bastard did well for himself, didn't he?" Alannah (to Ken): "You can say my name, you don't have to touch me." Ken (to Alannah):"Your deodorant smells like beautiful women." Ken (after putting a flat cap on Kellie's head): "It actually suits you." Ken: "I'm from Birr, I can be as racist as I like." Alannah: "Get that towel off me, really fast." ^^^ Ken: "I'm going to, really slowly." Liam (in EVERY situation): "Ahhh no." Mohammed: "Torture them... use many tortures... any torture... all torture." Kellie: "Let the children roam free." Alan: "If you have the demon child." Ken: "The RA's are dry this year... drier than an Ethiopian well." EmilyTA: "No assaults in the classroom." Ken: "Me and God are tight dog, homies!" Alannah: "I NEED EMANNUEL, where is he?" Alanna (genuine serious question): "What are gremlins?" Marnie (to Kris): "I'm going to lick your face and you won't expect it." Edel's favourite quoteTI: "Vicious Cycle." Ken: "They only plough in shtraight lines in Offaly." Alanna: "Is there any gay people in Offaly?" {THE GRAMMAR IS KILLING ME TOO, BUT ACCURACY...} ^^^ Ken: "Maybe." Kris: "Does a caterpillar murder a butterfly?" Ken: "Lads, I have screenshotted so many Hitler quotes today." Cormac (all of his torso was out a window): "Do you think if I jumped I would freeze my childhood forever?" Ken: "Jesus could walk on water, we can walk on cucumbers. Cucumbers are 95% water, therefore we are 95% Jesus." Kellie: "You know what, I should go out and smoke some weed." Liam: "Arts are very... vegetarian." Ken: "Think how SHIT life would be, if you never heard the words, 'I love you'." Alannah (to Mark): "I oiled you up." Marnie (to Ken): "Can you stop feeling me?" Alannah (meaning don't take my things): "Don't steal me." Kris: "The reek of crime." and "The Dirty Shtank of Crime!" EdelTI: "Mark? Stop dressing Alannah!" Marnie: "Would society be better if we were all Kellies?" Alannah: "Romance novels are terrible, they never have a relationship where a twenty year old girl falls for a fifteen year old boy, it's always two people of the same age falling for each other." Siobhán: "Mark you're like a less majestic giraffe." ^^^ Mark: "I AM MAJESTIC!" Grace: "Is that your baton in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" Sandra: "KENNETH! KENNETH! I WORKED SO HARD ON THAT SPOON!" Siobhán (to Kellie): "Slut drop your way to a brighter future." Kellie (to Siobhán):"This is why I'm spellcheck and you're not." Alannah (to Mark): "You scream puberty." Cormac: "Move over Siobhán, you're in the way." ^^^ Siobhán: "Cormac your life is in my way" ^^^^^^Cormac: "Getting philosophical now are we? Well you can fuck off with your Philosophy!" Ken: "That was a nervous lol." Caroline: "They're hipping and they're hopping." Cormac: "What kind of machines do you women have?" Mark: "Whiskey princess why you do dis?" Ken: "You are all my special children." Marnie (to Kris): "You don't even look like a Mulcahy." Everyone: "One Garda, two nGaaaaaaardaí" Siobhán: "Kenny, stop feeling people up." Alannah (to Ken at closing ceremony): "Don't touch me. Or my mom." Ken: "No killy-killy, no hurty-hurty, no stealy-stealy. If in doubt - THE BIBLE." Alanna: "I don't want to let the Pakistanis in." (Is immediately shouted at for Racism!) Kris: "No one knows what happens in that cocoon..." Kellie: "I was literally black before CTYI" Cutting Edge Science "What were you aiming for with your creatures?" -Conor (TA) "Miley Cyrus"-Kate "Keep her well watered" - Matthew "I lost my virginity to a caramel shortbread" Darragh "You fat bitch" - Ciara to Claudia and viceversa "How fab are we?" - Ciara and Claudia "Everything is awesome!" - LEGO movie "AWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH" - everyone in Andrey and Roisin's direction "Invisibility cloaks. INVISIBILITY CLOAKS!" - Kevin Fletcher "You can say the words "Dinosaur radiation" in a scientific environment and NOT be laughed at?" -Kevin Fletcher "Mighty Eagle Spirit Mission" - The Americans "Supreme Leprechaun Potato Quest" - Us "Mighty Supreme Eagleprechaun Mission Quest Potato. Compromise is key" - Tuan Wadding-Hayes "GREETINGS, PEASANTS OF SOUTH CANADA" - Eoin O'Donnell, introducing himself to The Americans "I think the only group of people you managed NOT to offends was the gays" - Stuart (Instructor) "Astroboy!" - Seani "No!" - Everyone else Seani:"We've solved all of our problems. All we need to do is legalise cocaine." Kevin Fletcher on behalf of (fake) South Africa: "South Africa declares that they will legalise cocaine" (fake) Ireland"Ireland declares that they will legalise cocaine" (fake) South Korea "South Korea declares that they will legalise cocaine" Seani on behalf of (fake) South Africa: "Colombia declares that they will legalise cocaine" "Seani, why is it that every presentation you give sounds like a sales pitch?" -Stuart (instructor) Seani:"Who do we love?" Everyone else:"Margaret" Stuart: "Who does not understand this?" James: *puts his hand up every time* "Try not to start a world war" - Stuart "Nooo don't say that"- Stuart "I love you Tristan" - James talking to the Americans "Can we make the robots make toast instead it will be easier" - other Roisin "Whale"- Andrey "Do you want to do more math or play ninja"- Conor (TA) "The land is flooded so you are dead and you are dead and you, you, you HA YOUR ALL DEAD- Conor "But I have gills"-Charlie Ruairi: " I vote we kill Kathryn" Andrey: "I second that" "Stuart can you get us pizza bagels in the canteen?" - other Roisin TA: "Everyone shut up or I'm telling Stuart" *silence for one minute and then we all started talking again* "Superconductors are cool. Right guys... Right? "-Kathryn(TA) "Would you like to ride the dart" - everyone directed at Roisin Dart "YES Ciara has killed everyone" - Ciara (talking about plague inc.) Roisin and Ruairi- *sexual tension* 'Engineering' Film Studies "Dat sweet green gange straight from da mean streets of Kingston" - Broken Glass (Harry) "_______ , directed by Michael Bay" - Everyone "STOP SINGING THE SONG FROM MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO!" - Aoife "Totoro, Totoro... Totoro, Totoro..." - Everyone ~passionately lipsyncs to 'My Heart Will Go On'~ - Cian and Catherine "I strongly '''disagree." - Harry "WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER THAT THE NAME OF THE MOVIE IS THE RETURN OF THE CHRONICLES OF CALGON PART 7 EPISODE 12 THE RISE OF THE REASONABLY PRICED CARWASH?!" - Thomas "How does he remember that?" - Feargus "______, starring Nicholas Cage" - Everyone '''Medicine "Gone are the days when we used to lock cats in cages and pump them full of STDs for the craic." - Sinead (In a debate with the vet class, in front of Colm). "I'm nauseous around women" - Thomas Finn:"I think we should lynch Aaron" Gavin:"Why?" Finn:"I don't know, because I hate Aaron" " I dont know why everyone wants to lynch me? This is bullying " - Sharon (part of the mafia) " I don't know whats going on? I'm so confused" - Aaron (part of the mafia) "Shut up Tariq" - Everyone "This can have fart consequences" - Aaron "Lampost wake up! *hahahahahaha* " - everyone Popular Fiction = Popular Fiction A = "Did I ever tell you about the time judas betrayed me; Well I was sitting outside and Judas kissed me, I said "Hey I'm not a fag." and then Judas got angry and had me arrested" "I told them to MAKE THAT CHILD. And the priest was like YEAH." "Jesus are you into BDSM?" "Crucify me like one of your crucified French girls. DIG THOSE NAILS IN DEEP." "Me and Jordyn are sharing my body!" "That was the best body of Nitai I've ever had." - Atheist Jesus "It's spelled n - i - t - a - i. It's pronounced Jesus." - AJ "Vampire marriage laws are really complicated." "It's really awkward because they can't marry in church." "I support vampire gay marriage." "It's very important that we respect the fact that he is a dinosaur." - Claire on the Day of Carlo "I think it#s beautiful that T Rexs are not dead, that they are alive and procreating with Irish authors." - Claire "Writing something is quite like assembling a mosaic." - Carlo "Wiritng is like a rich tapestry." - Carlo "Writing is like a tightrope." - Carlo "Similes are like an autumn breeze; the first time it was grand, now it's getting annoying." - probably AJ "More people write than make mosaics! The mosaic people should be saying that making a mosaic is like writing!" - AJ "When did you begin your plot developement for your mosaic?" "Well it depends if it's a sci fi mosaic or..." "Mosaics are now a cliché, or things related to mosaics, for example patchwork." "Their respected in their field -," "In typing like a t rex?" - Claire trying to defend Carlo, AJ not allowing her to "Dublin is like a mosaic." "W did learn something. We learned about T Rex hybrids." - AJ reassuring Claire "T Rexs talk with their hands. And mosaics." "This class is like a rich tapestry." "A rich tapestry is like a mosaic." "I want to go on ebay and get a single unpretentious tile." Claire: I will turn into an evil monster Colm: like a T Rex Claire: RAR!!! "That dinosaur smile must get him a lot of girls." - Colm "Don't go for complicated solututions -," "Like a tapestry, if you will." - Carlo and Colm "I will control my people with donuts." - AJ on being president of the USA "I will take the diet pills from the anorexics and make them eat the fat people and there WILL FINALLY BE WEIGHT EQUALITY IN AMERICA!" - AJ on being president of the USA "So the dog is on the tightrope, with a mosaic in his mouth." - AJ "What if you're friendzoned by your unconcious?" - AJ ("Carlo's Three Words" appears on screen) "Dog tapestry mosaic." - AJ "Multi-racial pen dynamics" "He wanked himself to death." - Andrew "Can there be someone with their head blown off just because?" - Peter "Can that be the theme for the disco, Disco Nazis?" "I'm running out of hats" - Peter "He's a black guy who smokes marijuana." " Bob Marley then?" - Peter and Molly "The mom DID NOT TOUCH THE PORN MAGAZINES!" "Maybe she did...." - Molly and Claire "He has a digital clock" "Yeah he's cool" "He's hip" - Andrew and Peter "He went like, bleugh!" - Andrew "You can draw condoms wherever you like, but not vibrators," - Molly "How about the mother put the poison in the condom?" - Andrew "Can Matt be with the mother? It would be so much jucier" - Andrew "Well there is a bloody mosaic, he is hung from a rich tapestry and those are dinosaur claw wounds" - AJ "That's a painting of Jimmy Saville, by the way" - Dominique "That's a windup dog on a tightrope." - AJ "Everyone's fingerprints are on the Bop-It machine" - AJ "The mother owns the Illuminazi spoon! She's an Irish Mammy!" - AJ "Only the Mammy's fingerprints are on the wooden spoon! She was giving them a battering! That's what wooden spoons are FOR in Ireland!" - AJ "Guys, torture is not allowed" - Claire "Can we waterboard the witnesses?" - Peter "Everyone wants to do Carlo but that's beside the point" - AJ "They all caused bleeding in their own way" - Victor "Thus vanquishing Carlo to his prehistoric world where he can mate with other Carlos" - AJ "Everything pales in comparison to Carlo" - AJ "We can't find the Carlo factor" - AJ "OH MY GOD! My son's on his period" - James "It looks like a vicious hickey" - Victor "Use your words!!!" - Claire "The LEDs were possessed!" - Andrew "There is only so much I can take before I turn into a Claire-puddle and that would be sad because Claire-puddles can't drink tea!" - Claire "I need pictures of a drawing so I can photocopy and clone it and put it in a rich tapestry depicting a mosaic and THEN give it to the police" - AJ "This is what a dude..... says" Claire "Animals tend not to be on your list of suspects." "What? I always suspect the chicken" - Claire and AJ "Surgeony-type people.... Also known as surgeons" - Claire "Cocaine. He's very into cocaine" - Claire, on Sherlock Holmes "Cocaine doesn't, like, kill you all that much" - AJ "Watsiarty" - AJ "Alcohol = Sustenance" - AJ "Hugh Laurie is a God amongst men. If you take anything from this class, let it be that" - Claire "He's soo pretty, you guys!" - Claire, on Hugh Laurie "Wait, there was weed in Hamlet? Just like a Hamlet rave!" - Peter "Star Shrok" - Andrew and AJ "I've got an image in my head I will never be able to forget." "Add that to the list" - Colm and AJ "Humans are constantly trying to better themselves, and thatss very INSPIRING and OPTIMISTIC apparently." - Claire "I've got an image in my head I will never be able to forget." "Add that to the list" - Colm and AJ "We are going to do some serious intellectual work." "By watching Star Trek" - Claire and AJ "She's not green" - James, on Captain Kirk's love interest in the City on the Edge of Forever. "She's not dyspraxic. If she was she'd be dead already!" - AJ, on Kirk's love interest in TCOTEOF "We don't have enough dyspraxia humour in the world. I would write it down but no one would be able to read it..." - AJ "I'm not dyspraxic, the walls and ceilings are just out to get me!" - AJ "This will be your quest. Dyspraxic Detective. I looked at the clue. I fell face first into the clue" - AJ "No, I'm grand with letters, they aren't real" - AJ "Moving swiftly onwards" "I can't move swiftly, miss" - Claire and AJ "I will see you in that special corner of hell" - Claire "What's the term for incest with yourself?" "Selfcest" "Self love is VERY IMPORTANT!" - Peter, AJ, Claire "They have a prison system of freedom" - AJ "Death by freedom" - AJ "Its not a freaking unicorn" - Dominique "But its doge" - Louise "Don't get distracted by all the fine''' ladies at the theatre" "Writers block is like Voldemort" "You're a good person if you use index cards" - advice on writing by Declan HugheS "I will always award points for incest" - Claire "You said canal boat, I just took out one letter. Anal boat," -Andrew "A gorn!" "He's a sex bomb." - Claire and AJ "You could keep the show going on forever." *cough* Lost! *cough* Doctor Who! - AJ and Claire "I hate GTTD (genetic time travelling disorder), it's even more inherent in dyspraxic people! We trip and it's like damn, fifties. We can literally stumble through space and time." -AJ "While we're on quotes from world leaders-," "NO! NONONONO!" - Louise and Claire "Like where would you be if you hadn't broken up with that person?" "In a much worse place..." - Claire and Molly "And I ''know you guys can do this because you're -," "Freaks." - Claire and AJ "You were a dick, so dickish things happened to you." "I think we need to tone down the language a bit." "You were a...not nice person, so not nice things happened to you?" - AJ and Claire "Is crap okay?" "Yes." "But dick is bad." - AJ and Claire. "Just basically don't crush me...," - Claire "In a Buffy-related example -," *cheers* - Claire and the entire class "The Titanic was supposed to sink. It was built up so time travellers would go back to it. It's an Illuminazi conspiracy!" - AJ "It's like moving to another country and being like, "yeah"." - AJ "Unless you can argue that Carlo is kind of a Batman-like figure...," Claire to Colm "My mammy once told me that sometimes books can be rich tapestries of mosaics..." - James "You best not be doing mah word puzzles," - Aisling "You're like the f*cking Sportalian whisperer," - Paul "SHIFT THE F*CKING PENGUIN! That's it, the penguin's going straight for the blowjob," - AJ "He wanted to nail the sick chick," - Colm about The Fault in Our Stars "When bees have sex their balls fall off," - Colm "Why does everyone know about bee sex but me?" - Molly "Fire is flammable," - Colm "It's not even a good penis," - Colm to James "What does a bad penis even look like?" "I'll show you later," - Paul and James "Just talk about your experience with necrophilia and pedophilia." - Paul "After reading Twilight, I have had seven relationships with vampires -," "At the same time." "It's like a vampire orgy," - James, Paul and Colm "It was fun, but the vampires were a bit cold." "That's disgusting, you got raped by a vampire. It's like shoving an ice cube up your arse." - James and Colm "I will take any penis I like up the ass. Even a green penis." - James "What are you talking about, freaking Papa Smurf?" - Colm "What penises have you been looking at?" "Well..." "ARISE, PETER!" -AJ "Oh, look, here's 50 Shades of Grey, go read it, it'll teach you '''''loads of new skills!" - Peter "Twilight = stuff. I was told to use a different word, so shit is scribbled out." - AJ "Let's go back to the normal topics - necrophilia and beastiality." - Paul "Develop it! That's the code we use for "I'm about to disagree with someone in my group, but in a special way"!" - Claire "Thank you Paul for reading that out...and thank you Molly, for making him," - Claire A SERIOUS QUOTE: ' ''"Love is one of the strongest feelings human can feel." - Colm (being extremely sappy) "Is Colm turning into Augustus Waters?" - James, in relation to the serious quote "Two people a year are killed while trying to move a Christmas tree naked." "Love may be one of the strongest emotions, but you can control your own *interrupted* - IT MAY BE A MOSAIC TAPESTRY, but you still have control of it!" - AJ "I have a girlfriend." "I feel sorry for her...," *everyone looks shocked* - AJ and Claire "I'm going to continue my speech, with deep sorrow in my heart -," "But you control your own emotions!" - AJ and Claire "You and the novel are in a relationship, you and the novel both affect each other - oh wait. You don't affect the novel, sorry." - AJ "His feelings shrivelled like Carlo's arms," - Paul "'''Oh my God are you properly broken? Do you actually need a hug?" Claire to AJ "And it's all because of Alanna," - Paul in relation to the serious quote "So everyone takes a communal dump in your notebook." "He wants to feel up my hand. I already have someone else." "Who?" "I can't tell you. He's Indian." "NATHAN!" - Paul, Peter and Molly "James has pizza." "I love you, James!" "I love you too, honey." - Sarah, Molly and James "You took my insecurities, Claire. You made them bigger. You are ''the danger in romance novels." - AJ "I'm sorry; we have sexy doctors on the screen." "He has sexy pizza." - Claire and Paul "He doesn't have sideburns. He's not irresistable." - James "I think we might be trivialising pen racism." - Claire "It is incredibly cliché." "But you can have a ''range of sensuality!" - Peter and Claire "We should get Benedict Cumperbatch to read that out." - Colm "AHHHHHHHHH!" - Claire (triumphantly) "All doctors are sexy." "My dad counts as a doctor." - Paul and Molly "It romance different to erotica then?" - Peter "He (Sherlock) doesn't have have a heroine to match. He has heroin, but -," - Jessca "Watson is his heroine." "As long as you're handsome, you're in." - Colm. "Are we allowed to look at this, I feel dirty." "It's above-the-waist action, it's totally okay." - James and Claire "Someone's happy, so it's fine if I'm crying myself to sleep at night..." - Claire "There's nothing in this world his powerful authority and money can't buy...except the love of a woman strong enough to tame him!" Paul: *whip noise* "There is Christian romance....they might meet at a church or something..." - Claire "With squiggles!" Claire "Don't hit the quotes book!" Molly to Paul "I'm busy reading about the Greek businessman who sweeps her off her feet!" - Claire "Down with the pariarchy! Gah!" - Claire "It means they read books because their husbands aren't satisfying them." "Sexually." - Molly and Paul "Hello Empty Seat." "Hello Peter." - Peter and Andrew "Don't tell me that the sausages are made from testicles." - Molly to Peter "Stop trying to put that on my body!" - Paul *hands Molly water* "You've already felt it up." - Paul "It was just sausage water." - Peter "I wasn't supposed to kill my baby again!" - Alex "You'll always be on my famous people CTYI list!" - AJ to Richard "Stupid clergy!" - Richard "Apparently I need to work...," - Richard "I can play music from my soul." *dubstep noises* "DROP THE SOAP!" - AJ *dubstep noises* JUDAS! *dubstep noises* "YOU'RE A FAGGOT JUDAS!" *dubstep noises* "DROP THE CROSS!" -AJ "Shut up, Sportalians." "That's their mating call." - Molly and Paul "Once upon a time there was a Sportalian who thought he was a man. Then he was shot in the face and realised that he should die." - AJ "I think Paul's dead." "Maybe he got hit by a car." -Alex and Andrew "A load of white goo exploded in my face." - James "Strong alpha male! Swoon!" - Claire "That, like, men are evil and women are saints, which is just ridiculously stupid!" "I thought you were about to say accurate." - Claire and Molly "After your wife left you for your best friend -" "It's Matt all over again." - Claire and AJ "Men have feelings! Did we know that?" "No!" - Claire and all the guys AJ: He is a play Claire: Shakespeare is a play. AJ: He is a mosaic rich tapestry of plays "It's not like HERE IS AN OUTLINE, NOW I MUST STRICTLY KEEP TO IT!" - Claire "No, no throwing self out of windows!" - Claire *AJ ranting about how annoying Paul's ears are* Molly: I think Paul has good ears. AJ: Of course you do! "If you think about the fact that people lie to children...it's for their own good." "People don't lie to children. What lies do they tell children?!" - Claire and AJ# "Letting the universe crap all over them." - Claire "You ''got written by a radioactive spider-," "Got abs." - Claire and Colm (talking about the second person) "No, we definitely want the "she wept pitifully and sadly in a depressed manner!"." - AJ to Claire about description in books "It was monotonously, tediously boring." - AJ "He was as tall as a six foot two tree..." - Claire "The two people, who had never met, were like a pair of hummingbirds who had never met." - Claire "You're not trying to make a mosaic-," "But Carlo told us to!" "CARLO ''LIED! CARLO LIED TO YOU!" - Claire and AJ "Because I like torturing people...," - Claire on why she brought up Twilight "Your hair is so soft, it's like Draco Malfoy and Plushie's lovechild." - James to Paul Aisling: *British accent* There's a lot of chatting going on over there...*stares* "Is your character known for giving good handjobs?" "Yes." - Aisling James: Give me a sad story. Jessica: Titanic. AJ: That was a happy story for me, byt whatever floats your boat. Someone: Everyone in the Bible is dead. Aisling: *sings* except for Jesus, living in our hearts! Molly: That makes him sound like a tumour. "The Quotebook: The Musical." - AJ James: *singing* My little pony! Molly: NO! Bronies are creepy! James: I'm a brony.... Molly: I rest my case. "Fucking Judas." - AJ "Do you think I have AIDS?" "Yeah." "Okay." - AJ and Paul "David Tennant slowly slipped his hand into Benedict Cumperbatch's ass." - AJ, writing a fanfic aloud. "NINJAS DON'T NEED SHOES!" - Molly to AJ "Imagine if all fanfiction was Nazis and just expand from there." - AJ "The argumentative pride makes us good." - AJ "Incest is wincest." - AJ "That's sadistic." "It's like you don't know me at all!" - AJ and Claire "Things that get you points: incest, clever wordplay..." - Claire, about House Points (not the other points, you dirty minded git) "It was a swag minute and a half." - AJ about the debate "He'll probably kill himself off." - AJ about the author of Game of Thrones "You can say what you want about what John Green said -," "But he's not Augustus." - Colm and AJ "Feels is the ultimate legitimate debate thing." - Claire "I feel validated as a human." "You're a what?" - Claire and AJ "David Tennant is prettier though." "That's a tough call." "No it's not, David Tennant beats Emma Watson." "Does he? He should be reported." - AJ and Claire "Basically the thing with (storing) dead bodies is that it's kind of like Tetris. Actually, it's more flexible than Tetris because you can cut off body parts." "Imagine a rich tapestry of Tetris, if you will." - Claire and Colm "We need Carlo." - Colm "You take a gun and shoot the part (of your brain) that thinks about Leibacca." - AJ "(You see an ad for a movie adaptation of a book like Fifty Shades and you're like) That's disgusting, that's disgusting, I'll go over here now...to the ticket booth." - Claire Claire: *hiding behind chair* Has he stopped yet? "It's Colm O' Reilly and Edward Cullen." "You aren't supposed to know about the points game! - Molly and Claire "I feel like I am teetering on a tightrope with a dog and a mosaic of getting fired." - Claire "I mean, if you look at the pedestal I have David Tennant on - he's higher than God." "You're atheist." - AJ and Molly "FANFICTION!" - Claire "HAHAHA emotional security...it's funny because it shouldn't exist." - AJ "Imagine Claire having a real job." - everyone "They're like totally down with their homies." - AJ "You are asking...CTYIzens...what is cool these days?" - AJ "All hail Britannia!" - AJ "He's dreamy - but not as dreamy as Carlo." - Claire about David Tennant "Sometimes I think I possibly have the best class." - Claire "This is not a dance class! (Though) It could be..." - Claire "At the closing ceremony are we allowed to hug you?" "YES! OhmyGOD, YES!" - Molly and Claire "Having a handbag has nothing to do with who you enjoy kissing!" "Sherlock would beg to differ, he could tell your sexuality based on your handbag." - Claire and AJ "What - what - what do the astrixes stand for? What are the two characters meant to be doing?" - AJ upon seeing the "f**king" "Is there one for everyone in the audience...?" AJ about Claire's books. (When Aisling told us about CTYI weddings) "James you're mine!" "Can we get married now?!" "NO! I don't ily!" - AJ and James "Say you business is ither going to lose a lot of money, or you can fire a thousand people. Do you say to them that they're fired?" "Fuckno! You text them." - AJ and Paul "Or picture a cannibalistic tuna eating its own brother." - an RA "How does one ride a hedgehog?" "Painfully" - Molly and Paul "No, I don't have a urinal in my house." - Paul "Aislinn, play with me instead!" - Aisling "Clusterfudge!" - Aisling "Once more with feeling!" - Ailsing before our final practice of Walk Through the Fire "BAM! TA stands for smart!" - AJ "That looks like there's cum on it." "If anything, she's eating them faster." "I've already been done for sexual harrassment. They never should've put a primary school near a pub." - Colm "Maybe other people have nosal insecurities." - Molly "Why are you rubbing off my dick skin?" - Colm "I'm like a prostitute, you pay me chocolate coins." - Colm (this is a mostly serious quote about Colm's serious quote) "I want you to rip this out, frame it and stick it up on your wall. And remember that this guy was an absolute retard, but for this one second he actually said something nice." - Colm "Make risks, take risks." - AJ "Ethical drug buying." - Claire "Is it murder if it's consentual?" - AJ "He only told me that he wanted to die!" - AJ "Oh, Louise, you will never get in trouble for accidentally killing somebody." - Claire "They'd actually listen to what he had to say." - Colm about another class watching Carlo "If we stop believing what Stephen Fry says-," - Claire about QI facts "The void is still in the bathroom." - AJ "I gave him legal guardianship of me. Donal the RA. I asked him to be my mammy and he said yes." - AJ about wo would be coming to talk to Claire on the last Friday "My pizza is blackjack and hookers." - AJ "You're full of MSG." - Andrew "Pizza is a pure LSD food." "So it's all legal then." - AJ and Andrew "When a mammy jelly and a daddy jelly love each other very much - they fuck." - AJ "Raping chickens has become constitutional." - AJ "I find it weird that beastiality is illegal but it's okay to kill them and eat them." "Beastiality is illegal?" - AJ and Andrew "It's not molestation if it's a chocolate bar! YOUR CHOCOLATE BAR HAS SUCH NICE CURVES!" - AJ to Paul "Is it cheating if you ride a bicycle?" - AJ AJ: If you wank with jazzhands, is it jizzhands? Entire class: Molly put it in the book! Molly: Are there no boundaries? AJ: I tripped over the boundaries "Nobody is kneeling on anybody's wood." - AJ "Condoms are very important to our projects. Magical contraception is very important." - AJ "Oh my God that book has words in it!" - Molly "His body is buried - NOWHERE nowhere because he's totally alive!" - Claire "Sports is a very stressful time for sportsmen." - Aisling "Now my leg's all sticky, thanks Paul." - Colm "Doing the frick frach diddly dach patty whack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack feedbackbacktrack thumbtack sidetrack tic tac murderously." - Shrek fanfic "YOU'VE HURT MY HEART FOR THE LAST TIME, CLAIRE!" - AJ Claire: There may, at certain points, be people who are not Carlo on the screen... AJ: But will they be dinosaurs? Claire: I...am going to let you decide that for yourselves. Colm: Oh dear God "Carlo: the Musical," - random human "Can Carlo eat the other people?" - AJ "This joke is like 65 million year old!" - James "Are you pointing fingers at me, Claire?" "My fingers are pointing at the ceiling tiles!" "Well, you're pointing at God and so me." - AJ and Claire "So I really want you to *someone raises hand* - is this going to be about lethal injections?" - Claire "Can David Tennant teach me...anything. Anything?" - AJ *Carlo appears on screen* "The psyche is like a dog." *Entire class (Claire and TAs included) bursts out in maniacal laughter* *singing* "Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore!" Louise. Frequently. "It's not always about cutting - wait that sounds super self-harmey.) - Claire "They're like a line of dominos...," - Carlo the t rex "NEVER LOVE ANYBODY, THEY'LL ONLY LET YOU DOWN!" - Claire "Is Hemingway the guy who wrote about the old guy and the fish?" - Andrew "Writing is like...telling a class to shut up." "It's pointless." - AJ and Claire "Semi colons are sexy." - Claire "If I had an hour left to live I'd spend it in the class...because it would last an eternity." - James "We're not Augustus. DEAL WITH IT!" - AJ "You need help." - Carlo the t rex "I was one glass of spilled milk away from a mental breakdown." - James "Writing is really good for mental health. Publishing is really bad for mental health." - Claire "I want to meet Dr Gervin." - Colm, many times "NONONO! YOU HAVE BROKEN THE TRUST, YOU HAVE BROKEN ME AND YOU HAVE BROKEN MY HEART!" - Claire. "Why don't you shut your ass and give your mouth a chance." - James "You're not like other people, are you, guys?" - Claire, wondrously "Why you are a pretentious, arrogant beebag." - Colm "If you put a banana in your ear you can get herpes. And if you suck off a banana-," - Peter "Don't hug him, he has herpes." - Andrew "No, Hitler is better than Stalin because he was following his dreams." - Paul "It's like Narnia." - Molly "Colm was in the green penis." - all the perverted males "If you have a full stop and a comma and they get on top of each other -," "It's actually a porn pic." - Andrew and Rían discussing semi colons (Aisling and Aislinn were sitting right next to Colm while we were using the computers to supervise him) Colm: Seriously? *slams chair into Paul* - you think I need - *slams chair into Paul* supervision? *slams chair into Paul* "Did you literally just fuck Paul to the ground?" - AJ to Colm "Are you like high on Alanna?" - Molly to Colm "Molly, which is the most Umbridgey* shade of pink?" - Jess "Paul's telling me to question my sexuality and shove it up my references." - Colm "What it is is that they're both stubborn aul' eejits!" - Aislinn about Colm and Paul "I didn't come to CTYI for second rate internet and emails, Claire!" - AJ "Who's not dyspraxic?!" *Molly points at James* "JAMES! Shame on you!" - AJ "You don't have maids here? Goood!" - AJ "Why didn't she just bathe in young women's blood?" - AJ "There's another class that's crazy about Buffy..." "NONONO!" "OBJECTION!" - Claire, the class and AJ "It's not my fault, my computer was dyspraxic." - AJ about why his project didn't get sent to Claire Claire: Guys, I'm not allowed crucify children anymore. AJ: What if it was for the forgiveness of sins? Claire: Don't you think I tried that justification?! AJ: Well I had plans for the end of CTYI "I have something to tell you. I'm not dyspraxic, I'm just really drunk." - AJ "I just nod whenever someone takes a breath and it works." - Mark "There's a method to your madness so your method is for it to end in madness." - AJ to Claire "It's an atheist miracle!" - AJ "Paul likes them hard and green." - Rían "Winter isn't the only thing that's coming." - Andrew "He's a literary God." - AJ about Paul saying "shtuff" multiple times "They sacrifice people, it's quite cool actually." - Paul "Pyromaniacs: the religion." "Pyromaniacs: the musical." - AJ and Claire Claire: Hitler's microphone - Peter: Is that the one he used for the Nuremburg rally? Claire: No, it's the one he used for karoeke! "Three generations of inbreds..." - Josh "The DIY Murder Case." - AJ "Colm, put down the American Cola!" "He's trying to taste the freedom." - Jessica and AJ "I would Neville his Longbottom." - AJ "Let's get this piece of crap on the road." - Claire "He had a belly so large he could fit two children inside -," "And often he did." - Rían and AJ "These are calves, they're cows! - Colm "All hail elftania!" - AJ "Dude, keep your homoerotic fantasies to yourself!" - Claire to Colm "Is Carlo dating another dinosaur?" "Yeah he's trying to build a time machine to get back to her." "Yeah he's trying to say that to engineers but he can't talk he just -" *flaps arms* "DR GERVIN!!!" - Colm "Molly, can you please stop groping the boys in the class?!" - Claire Claire: *mouth full of Skittles* Skittles are great! Heca-seca-deca-hedron (AJ's made up shape) "He thinks he's the freaking Messiah!" - AJ about himself "Penny: Claire doesn't just taste the rainbow, she sees the rainbow. Claire: I live the rainbow. AJ: Claire is the rainbow! "I came in like a psychopath I'd never hit a man before Then my blood was all over the floor All you ever did was sta-a-ab me!" - AJ's wrecking ball parody "You sliced through my nipple yesterday, do you rmember that?" - James to AJ (During the quiz) "Who wrote Dracula?" "Louis Suarez." - Aisling and AJ = Popular Fiction B = Pinecone:"I'm not perfect okay?" from back row, Annie from front row in unplanned unison As Hannah Montana once said, nobody's perfect" "MADE ON RECYCLED PAPER BC APOCALYPSE AND NO TREES YHYH" Kate's newspaper Faye: "You left a bruise on my arm" Ray: "You left a bruise on my soul" "Diarmuid, where did you get a sponge?" Faye Faye:"I always come out with the best quotes at two in the morning" Annie:"Faye it's 11:30" Faye:"11:30, 2 am, they're practically the same time" Faye:"Cigarettes are a symbol for people, you're extorted and used, only to be thrown to the side when others are done with you" Kate:".... Faye we were sitting in a bush when you wrote these" "We are out of milk" Annie "You can't rate your own stick" Eleanor (TA) chalk"Oh Sugarsnaps" Faye "James(Pinecone) stop making profane gestures at the walls" Eleanor (TA) "Where else am I gonna stick it?" Kevin "Is date rape drug too far?" Kevin "Boy I sure am thirsty, GOOD THING I GOT SOME BLUEBEAR SIMULATION DRINK, SUGAR FREE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Kevin "I might spill some juice on my Thor" Ray "I nearly jumped up my stockings" Ray "Just put it in your face" Ray "Get the cucumber in, it's easy to get in" Kevin "It looks like a love stain" Ray "You look like a great adventurer of shipping" Annie "Life advice with Nemo" Annie and Faye "Most of the time Kevin is like an excitable squirrel" Reece "Faye I have lost my Vaseline" Annie "Mebbe kk will b our evrytiem" Faye "It's a pretty good elbow" Diarmuid "Oh well, I'll have to die another day" Reece "I'm like Jesus" Annie Casino Night to Faye:"Shift him for all his money" Annie Faye:"I'd say twerking is just like squats" Kate:"Yeah, but funner" "Diarmuid covered it in green stuff........ Oh deary me" Ray "I'm never quoted"-Reece Pinecone:"If you have superpowers, someone is going to try to kill you. If you have chocolate, no one is going to try to kill you" Diarmuid:"I might" Pinecone:"Yeah, Diarmuid might" "Mammy, you don't kiss ''anyone anymore" Annie Kevin: "Eleanor, you look so princess". Diarmuid: "Kevin, am I princess?" "Praise The Twerky" Faye and Kate "I swear I'm not sticky" Faye "At least I got me some milk" Faye "#HalfLife3Confirmed" Everyone "You look like a great adventurer of shipping" Annie "I'll make dinner if you make breakfast" Pinecone "What are you doing with your life sir?" Faye "Annie: I bet you're jealous of my meat Faye: I just want some of that meat in my mouth" "Did you just call me a cabbage?" Annie "Armour plated leggings" Pinecone "I was referring to the Saville variety" Ray Ray "How do you introduct something?" Pinecone "Do fish have knees?" Pinecone "Faye: Where is my wank?! Annie: I would like to acquire one wank" "Sheds have wheels" Pinecone "Maybe I should buy clothes so I don't have to do laundry" Annie "Faye: She's in a different country Annie: Maybe that wasn't the most foolproof plan" "I'm a Justin Bieber tribute!" faye "Illerminerti" Annie "He writes loads, sso everything he says is like a fucking John Green book" Annie pink Faye "Faye: the lads I like are summer scholars! RA Orla: get in there quick, Faye!" "Yes, I do believe your hips are quite honest!" Diarmuid "I punched your marshmallow" Faye "It wasn't a rich person sweet" Faye "Faye McDonnel I hope you're not doing ANYTHING pre-natal!" Annie "(gets back evaluation sheet) Woo I got a B!" Pinecone "My best friend thought Ghandi's first name was Andy" Annie "Explanation mark, it's like one of those upside down i's" Pinecone "I like Nanny McPhee, she's chill" Kate "We is friends now" Ray Ray "That sucks donkey cock" Pinecone "Faye: (reading from phone) Terry Pratchett forced to cancel appearance by Alzheimers Pinecone: Who's Alzheimers?" "This air is not up to par" faye "It could be painful. With lots of poking involved." Lara "Your chair keeps committing suicide" Kevin "Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?" Faye "Annie is infinitely done with Pinecone's shit" Kate "Because poop is so fun" Reece "The thing that's the colour of the name... the orange!" Rachael "Beautimous kupel is beautimous" Ray Ray "(pulls bag of crisps from skirt) my dress has a purpose more than fashion" Faye "Kevin: Diarmuid keeps comign on to me Diarmuid: No. I don't." "Pinecone: Hey, it's 4th of July! Laurie: Happy birthday George Washington!" "People smoke marijuana or do marijuana or whatever it is you do to marijuana" Eleanor "Do you still get 20 points if you shift an RA?" Eleanor "Do you know what we should try? A class mugging." Diarmuid "That's not a vampire, that's a sadist" Crazy Dracula Lad !I haven't had access to social media so I'm pretty sure it was a dream" Kevin "I'd be the best wizard Clontarf has ever seen" Reece "I'm the master of my own uterus" Reece "Rock the pope" Pinecone "Pinecone and Shakira, we'll have a dual presidentship" Pinecone "Faye: You left a bruise on my arm! Ray Ray: You left a bruise on my soul." "(to Pinecone) Stop taking it out in public" Faye "You know the yoke Stephen Hawking uses? Can you not put a dog in that?" Pinecone "The metric system is so awesome, it'll outlast the apocalypse" Reece "Diarmuid: This pasta is bent Reece: We have found the world's first gay pasta!" "I'm doing everyone tomorrow" Reece "Zeph, where did you pull that stick from?" Faye = '''Popular Fiction C' = "Objection!" -Everyone "It was a classic example of duck, duck, Bruce" - Everyone "Are you visiting women? Don't forget your whip" - Everyone "Don't do shush" -Jamie "On your way down to Spar, if you see any intellectuals, could you bring them back?" - Niall "They're not just cloning for the craic" - Lorcan "The pigeons were having a gang war outside my windowsill" - Daniel "It is possible to work your way up from the bottom." - Pierce "Yeah, if you've got a little homicide in ye." - Aiden "There's a massive demand for lives being saved as well" - Ethan "This is a little homo-erotic" - Laura "...should I be comfortable with shifting a guy?" - Brian "Thank you Stalin for my wonderful childhood" - Aoife K "And he's a bad kisser." - Ethan "Did Mozart tell him that?" - Lorcan "Throw some divorce in there!" - Aisling "What movie inspires you?" - Niall "Bee Movie!" - Jacqui "'Hasty toilet', I like that." - Brian "What are you doing tonight?" - Ellie *points at Joyce* - Daniel "I have my own cattle to abuse" - Daniel "What are we doing with what little penis?" -Daniel "Jaysus, look at the legs on that table. I want to bend it over another table." - Sara "I would totally bang young Stalin" - Aisling "Mr Krabbs, yeah, that's my prostitute name" - Aidan "Too much communism for one iPod, am I right ladies?" - Jacqui "I can't get it up." - Daniel "There's an app for that." - Aoife K "STOP VIBRATING." - Daniel "I'll strip it's okay" - Aoife S "I bet you can't reach the projector." - Aoife K "YES I CAN." *can't* "FUCK." - Lorcan "Sorry Daniel, I'm just trying to get back in." - Ben "You in?" - Daniel "No, not yet." - Ben "I can feel it in my stomach." - Daniel Pop Fic C: *working in study* Laura: "Don't do anything while I'm gone." *leaves* Pop Fic C: *RUNS TO ROOM NEXT DOOR* Laura: *comes back* "FUCK" *runs away to find us Pop Fic C: *sneaks back* Laura: "GUYS." "How many tips d'you get?" - Ellie "Uh, like 5...oh, oh wait, you meant money." - Lorcan "SCREW YOU." - Aidan "Thank you." - Joyce "Look, no eyes!" - Lorcan "Oh shit, I sat on the earth" - Kate "Chopa, chopa, chopa the kids!" - Aoife S (Everyone) "Do it for the meme"- Jacqui "I was in a black cock" - Daniel "Pierce smile." - Aoife K "I can't though." - Pierce "Who are these people?" - Aiden "Old white arseholes" - Laura "Communism has failed us!" - Pierce "It's not my fault the gang warfare in Dublin has gotten so bad the pidgeons are getting involved" - Daniel "The magical shush" - Jamie "Sneezed on the meme and the meme got sicker." - Jacqui "That's a little homoerotic" - Laura "If I want anyone to remember anything about me its that I'm a Nazi supporter" - Laurie "I'm gonna get a tramp stamp of a communist" - Aoife Kavanagh "Or you could just not get your dick tattooed" - Ellie "Just have a fucking wank" - Joyce "What's a tramp stamp" - Brian "I could slap you" - Sara "Goats?" - Sara "I want to become a Jesus fanficcer" - Roisin "Yeah, but ya see, unfortunately; Science" - Pierce "I never said I wanted to throw a baby out the window" - Sara "Stop fucking babies in my swamp!" - Jacqui "I want to come to your attic" - Roisin "Look I have vagina on my arm" - Laurie *sees two women in burkha, while walking down O'Connell street in a bathrobe* "oh look, they're doing towel Thursday too!" - Jamie "Just go a wank, and release your energy" - Aisling "God our class is so sexually deprived" - Aisling "I will piss in your sink. I will set your pubes on fire" - Aisling "You do have quite nice balls, Daniel" - Aisling "Shove your fucking scones up your ass" - Aisling "Don't stab people stabbing people is mean" - Ethan "We're helping the kids by chopping them" - Kate "How are those dichotomies coming?" -Niall "Oh, they're coming hard and fast" - Aidan "You writing that down?" -Ethan "No, I'm writing gay porn" - Ellie "It's like a racist horoscope" - Laura "Róisín, what's your name?" - Daniel (Quote from 'Jekyll and Hyde') "If he be Mr Hyde, then I shall be Mr Seek" Daniel:*face hits desk* "If you're going to commit suicide at least make sure you do it on purpose" - Ellie "Just go up to a girl and go 'Hello, I claim you'." - Ethan "Maybe he goes to join the gym or something" - Aisling "I thought you were going to say the Nazi Party" - Niall "Just throw a bit of divorce in there" - Aisling "I am the sex addict in the canteen! So, how would I see the rotating tray thing?" - Niall "Its too bright to think" - Aoife M. "The funny thing is, I actually hate Communism" - Pierce "What did we do in class today?" - Laura "If I mistyped any of your quotes I'm sorry, please kill me" -Niall "Who's 5 Seconds of Summer?" - Daniel " You know those guys? That wrote that song? That make noise with their face?" - Laura "That drawing of Hitler is worryingly good" - Eoin "God you're all so f***ing punctual" -Laura "Yea, you're going to be a biologist when you're older. Or a hooker." - Pierce to Aisling "Imagine having a Gay Pride morph suit" - Aidan "If you have a bunch of intellectuals working in McDonalds they're going to have an existential crisis" - Aidan "Steady on Bram Stroker" - Niall "I'm a young male old woman" - Daniel "You've got to get a bitta gay in there" - Jacqui "I would bang young Stalin" - Aisling "You don't know how to clear your history? You're a guy, you should know this stuff" - Aoife K. to Daniel "I can't uninstall Masturbator Pro!" - Daniel "Hey. Leave." - Laura "If you didn't want to talk about building sex, you shouldn't have done Pop Fic" - Ethan "Bertie's back and he's ''better than ever!"'' - Jacqui "Bluuuuuuuuuuuur...............................buh" - Jacqui "It look like you're seductively dancing" - Ethan "...on one leg" - Jacqui "Oh no! Auschwitz got bent!" -Jacqui "Its only skin cancer" - Jamie "How ironic is it that I'm sitting here in the corner of a bookshop, critically analysing the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy while wearing a towel?" -Eoin "...I really need to go toilet, too" - Aoife S. "Its a big building, find a corner somewhere" - Daniel "I'm going to your house tomorrow and I'm taking all your Vanilla Chocolate Balls" Daniel to Aoife S. "They'd pay, like, a couple thousand Venetian Yen or something" - Daniel "I wouldn't call it a 'train' of thought, really. My mind is more like a drunk cyclist on acid" - Daniel "The T is for thumbs!" The Feed group "Its the Communist Totalitarian Youth of Ireland" - Aoife S "It wasn't the sun exploding. It was actually the build up of static electricity from Miley Cyrus twerking" - Daniel "Is it on paper?" -Aoife S. "No, I wrote it on stone slabs!" - Jacqui "You would put Gandalf in a boob tube" - Daniel "Feel insiiiiide... and stuff like that" - Everyone 'General Interest RAs "Ah lads,... thats not on..."-Lord-Eamonn "You can't microwave popcorn in the hallway..." -Lord Eamonn Us to couple: "Shift! Shift! Shift!" Eamonn: "They can shift if they want to." Alice: "SHIFT! IF YOU WANT TO!" "I hate being awake" - Gary Anne Marie walks into the corridor at 10 past 10 and everyone,s in the corridor: ''Technically I'm obliged to tell you guys to go to bed" ''Jordan: ''"But do you have to enforce it?" ''Anne Marie: ''"Nope!" "If you're in love with your roommate, tell me" - Orla "Shut the fuck up and into your rooms before I bate ye all" - Richard "Careful now" - Richard and Eamonn "Stand clear, luggage doors operational" - Ciaran and megaphone "Any juicy goss" - Orla Student: "How do you achieve shank overdrive?" Richard: "Buy a sword." "Don't interact with the Sportalians under any circumstances." - Clare "Will someone '''PLEASE' tell me what is Cutting Edge Science about?" - Jamie "Be very kettle with your toaster" - Helena Nitai/AJ: My wintows are still full of glass'' Richard. That's dangerous. Richard: *sighs* Just kick it out already, for God's sakes. Use your roommates head! No, don't though, and don't tell the ARCs I said that Jamie: Any complaints today lads? James: My roommate continues to walk around shirtless. Jamie: Well...Um...I think that's something you should really take up with your roommmate, but other than that...uh...enjoy the view? '''Students "Eamonn is love, Eamonn is life"-Lord-Eamonn's RA group "Our Lord Eamonn"-Jordan Murphy "Lets Microwave a Hamster"-Luke Boyle "You're wearing blue. That's a colour of the Italian flag. Lynch him!"-Caoin Forde "That's what TA stands for; Tits and Ass" - Eimear Jordan "They took my trebuchet" - Ben O'Keeffe "Lies and shlander" - Daniel "HI RICHARD"-Everyone Faye:"The lad I like is in Summer Scholars" Orla:"Well then get in there quick girlo" "Stop saying children dying is natural selection."-Lara to Aoife K "So many nipples" - Daniel "I counted 7" - Eoin "Its getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" - Daniel "Its not that simple; I have to tie them up first" - Paul "I wanna get wet who's gonna help me" - Overheard at Circus "Just bend down and go through me!" - Overheard at Circus "Its not really like a train of thought, my mind is like a bicycle rider on acid" - Daniel "Is your head a penis big?" - Marnie "This is a surprisingly tight shirt" - Daniel "Lovely" - Jamie, Roommate "This is why I lock my door at night" - Daniel "It does smell a bit burnt, but it still tastes hungry" - Eoin Reece- "I have superpowers." James (Pinecone)- "Really?" Reece- "No" "I am KING OF HAIKUS!" - Reece Watching 22 Jump Street in the cinema it was silent and then Sharon starts laughing. Andrey- "God dammit Sharon" "AND NOW THEY SHIFT!" 'Nitai during Buffy the Vampire Slayer Appreciation 'In-Jokes (In Farmleigh, looking up at the sky and being deep and meaningful in an annoying American schoolgirl accent) "OMG LOOK AT THE SKY, IT'S SO LIKE MAJESTIC AND STUFF LIKE OMG, LOOK AT THE (Suddenly puts on Dublin accent) CLOW-EDS!" -Niamh "GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!" -Odilia and Kellie "Everyone needs a Mildred in their life" - Eoin "What" - Vikings "Everyone's a cunt!" - Jamie "Death of capitalism" - Cian "I will NOT have an orgy with the KKK!" - Reece Session 2 'General Interest' 'Biotechnology ' 'Put the strawberry into the bag ... and gently smash it' - textbook. 'Fooder.' - TI Nora, calling Fedor on roll. 'Hello, my name is Fyedor Fuckoffski,' - Fedor, in Russian. 'Their jaws would swallow me whole. They're scary fuckers.' - TA Conor. 'I love these guys. The boobies!' - TA Conor. 'I could clone the perfect human race.' - Fedor. 'I assume they're all based on me.' - Elle. 'Jesus monkey.' - Maedhbh. 'You could freeze yourself. It'd be supercool.' Bridget. 'After lunch, we'll see if we can drag the baby's eyes in.' - TI Nora. 'There are like three separate families of Laffeys -' - Jack. 'What am I laffing at?' - Maedhbh. 'Not that joke, anyway.' - Dáire. 'Hi, can I have a lolly and a pregnancy test?' - Elle 'I swear to God if you do that I will mess up your Biotechnology project so hard. You'll get a B!' - Jack. 'They were afraid I was gonna have to like be dead or something.' - Bridget. 'If you preorder now you can get an exclusive glow-in-the-dark Niall Horan.' - Jack 'What if it turns out that humans are really delicious? Could we clone them? Could we farm them?' -Diarmuid. 'And the dinosaurs would block the wifi.' - Micaiah. 'You can't block wifi.' - Elle. 'Dinosaurs can.' - Jack. 'You can't beat the ol' hand.' - TI Nora. 'I sneezed on the e.coli.' - Jack. 'I can never tell the difference between goths and emos. They're all just black to me.' - Leona. 'So can the fish that Nemo wa-' - Elle. 'Clownfish.' - Bridget. 'I'm a human.' - Jack. 'No, you're a disease.' - Elle. 'This can result in smaller than normal testicles.' - handout. 'I thought that said tentacles.' - Bridget. 'Is there a genetic disease where people look kinda like sloths?' -Leona. 'That's the second purple substance you've spilled in this lab.' - Cian. 'Fedor, it's disgusting. I swallowed like half of it.' - Bridget. 'Guys, he spat it all over me.' - Bridget. 'James told me he was a nemo.' - Beth. 'I was kind of hoping for an infection.' - Diarmuid. 'I'm not cynical, I'm just condescending.' - Jack R. 'Pass it over, I need to finger the jelly.' - Fedor. 'You just got trolled by e.coli.' - Elle. 'Can you open it? Can I poke it?' - Fedor. 'That's what she said.' - Bridget. 'In Soviet Russia, you infect the superbug.' - Elle and Bridget. 'In Soviet Russia, fungus pokes you.' - Fedor. 'e.coli is my happy thought.' - Elle. Oh my god that's - don't go so hard!' - Elle, as Bridget drew on her hand. 'That's what she said.' - Bridget. 'Bridget, you should get going with your mouth.' - Elle. 'Are you gonna be a scientist when you're older? Could you discover a disease and name it Med-eh-beh-heh (Maedhbh)?' - Fedor. 'If we kept babies blindfolded for five years, would they have permanently blue eyes?' - Bridget. 'That is child abuse.' - Elle. 'Children dying IS natural selection.' - Fedor 'Did you steal my pen, Elle? Did you ingest my pen?' - Bridget. 'Taste test,' Daire's answer as to how we could test the bacteria. 'Fuck legislative debate.' - Bridget. 'If I punched Elle, she'd feel it. If I punched an embryo, it couldn't.' - Bridget. 'Thanks.' - Elle. 'Bridget quotes 2k14.' - Bridget. 'What does the T stand for, tetracycline?' - Maedhbh. 'The T stands for talented.' - Bridget. 'No it doesn't.' - Elle. 'If we make the underdeveloped countries too healthy, they might attack.' - Diarmuid. 'Did you drop your ovary on the floor?' - Bridget. 'Where does the foetus skin go?' - Bridget. 'Back on the foetus?' - Dáire. 'Uh.' - Elle. 'So, Nazis. Yay or nay?' - Diarmuid. 'Are you in my class? Probably not, because you're doing work.' Some TA called John 'We saw a squirrel yesterday.' - Jack. 'It didn't have bubonic plague, though.' - Bridget. 'What are you doing with dead bodies?' Elle, to Bridget. 'Necrophiliaaaa.' - Fedor, singing. 'I am not a necrophile!' - Bridget. 'I know what you did last summer.' - Elle. 'I was horizontal in hospital last summer.' - Bridget. 'Yeah, in the morgue.' - Diarmuid. 'Girls just wanna have funds.' - Speaker at Festival of Curiosity. 'I would love nothing more than to take you all underwater with me.' - Speaker. 'Sounds serial-killery.' - Dáire. 'I think the more you find out about this fish, the more it will eclipse all life.' - Speaker. 'You guys have to get out more.' - Speaker. 'We got the sun, the moon and the stars.' - Speaker. 'All eating each other.' - Dáire. 'So romantic.' - Elle. 'It's important that we keep our tentacled slurpers intact.' - Speaker. 'The Greenpeace people should commit herbicide.' - Dáire. 'Do you want to hear about how GM food makes farmers in India commit suicide?' - TI Nora. 'Yay!' - Everyone. 'Not even animals like PETA.' - Elle. 'Not even PETA likes PETA.' - Dáire. 'I try to stay away from you, Bridget.' - Elle. 'Well you're not doing a good job of it.' - Jack R. 'I live in the good part of the slums.' - Dáire. 'You live in the Asia of Ireland. Jeez.' - Jack L. 'So, anyone who comes from a farming background...' - TI Nora. 'Why is everyone looking at me?' - Jack L. 'Web spinning chicken.' - Leona. 'Oh. It's a goat.' - Leona. 'Japanese Language and Culture ' Take anything you want! -Weird Japanese video Spare me my life! -Same weird Japanese video Did someone just ask if that was a gas mask? -Rebecca There's a pair of boobies on the screen. -Ciarán (referring to the blue footed booby bird) With coffee cup Conor it's always a party. -Rebecca Maybe dijoubou can be our always. -Kat I'm really sorry Rebecca, I want you to smuggle these drugs back to Ireland. -Rebecca (giving example of what not to do in Japan) I just stabbed myself in the stomach. -Ciarán That's the first step to using chopsticks, as the ancient master once said. -Rebecca Stop feeling up her husband.- Ciarán We all have our clothes on, it's fine. -Isabel I'm Nicold. -Nicole I can't hear the difference between pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. -Jenny Fork off Ciarán. -Nicole Can we worship the air conditioning as part of Koism? -Isabel Bathe in the breath of Koisus. -Cian Stop being inside your husband. -Teddy I draw manime... manime? -Méabh Do you want a free unopened packet of ham? -Siobhán But I thought Teddy's hat was already married? Are you not fulfilling him sexually? -Isabel You shouldn't marry your corset. It would be a waist of time. -Nicole Your jacket's so soft I can't believe it's not butter. -Nicole I would marry Subway if I could. -Nicole Sideways sushi is the way to go. -Jenny Oh there's an alien. -Rebecca I'll stab you with my nose. -Teddy If I was a sticker I would stab you in the eye. -Ciarán This is not a camp for talented old men. -Conor Feeling of friends could be misinterpreted too easily in this language. -Ciarán Koisus dried so that we may be wet. -Cian I'm scared and confused. -Conor Oh you've touched a nerve. -Cian (after Méabh lost a tooth) I put the ow in elbow. -Nicole Are you seriously talking about taking people seriously when I'm in the room? -Ben Oh my God you're talking in your English accent again! -Siobhán Oh my God you're talking like Siobhán again! -Ben Can we blame the board for being "smart"? -Ciarán You look sensational in that dress. -Another weird Japanese video I think they still probably have stripteases in Japan. -Cian We shall perform the Holy Striptease at the end. -Ciarán Their favourite foods are cucumbers and little children. -Ben Number 1 rule in Japanese mythology: never expose your anus. -Ben Are they evil? -Kat No, they're quite friendly but they do overcharge you for furniture. -Ciarán You have pen on your nose. Are you aware of this fact? -Rebecca No. -Cian You have pen on your nose. You are now aware of this fact. -Rebecca It's an a-pocky-lypse. -Nicole You killed my baby, Ben. There's bits of baby on my cat. -Ciarán You've got two heads, use one of them. -Ben Well you've got two... things. -Kat You're killing all of our friends. -Mairéad What did the sugar ever do to anyone? -Kat *in Gollum voice* It gave them feckin' diabetes. -Ben I think it's Thursday, I can't read anymore. -Mairéad Sting-ey woman. -Mairéad The moon bubble with tentacles. -Jenny I accept that I am a cup racist, now you must do the same. -Jenny There is wind in places I've never felt wind before. -Ciarán It's a baby crop top. -Kat Do you dissect the people you love? -Isabel Yes I do. -Rebecca He has swords to cover himself. -Ciarán Cian is the mountain and I have climbed to his peak. -Ciarán Don't get blood on the shoes please. -Rebecca Can you tuck parts of me into other parts of me? -Ciarán Stop discharging into me. -Ciarán I don't care about women. -Conor (while trying to find out how to put on men's yukatas) Can someone help me undress? -Jenny Since you undressed me I'll undress you. -Kat This present has tentically undertones. -Ciarán Stop humping balloons. -Ben 'Law ' 'Don't lie to this court!' - Niall 'I like drunk driving, but I prefer murder.' - Isabelle 'There is no God!' - TiA 'I've seen you straight out of the shower, I know what you look like.' - Aoife 'Well I'll see you at bedtime anyway.' - P-Isabelle 'Are you shafting me? Am I watching you shaft me?' - David 'How long are you gonna go hard for?' - Isabelle 'Paul, you make everything so much more sexual.' - Isabelle 'I'm not advocating for cannibalism, I'm just not against it.' - Ellen 'Cannibellen!' - Aela 'Who needs women when you have chocolate?' - Stephen 'I can only fit one dead body in the boot of my car.' - Ellen 'Don't even taste it, just swallow!' - Amy C 'I wanna get off.' - Isabelle on the bus 'Tea is the juice of life.' - Aela 'No, I did not think a stick of dynamite was a carrot.' - Paul 'Law, aka Murder for Dummies.' - Aela 'It's grand, I'll stuff it in Isabelle later.' - Aoife 'Aoiflaela!' - Aoife and Aela 'Aoiflaelabelle!' - Aoife, Aela and Isabelle 'Wench, why you do this?' - Isabelle and Aela 'I just took it out, but it feels weird with the hole.' - Micaiah 'Do what I say, polygamy is great.' - Aoife 'Eric, my other leg is free" - Isabelle "Why is everyone wiping me down?" - Isabelle "All Hong Kong have are mosques" - Daniel "My ghetto booty bruise" - Isabelle 'Music Production ' 'Don't! My crotch will crush you!' - Cian ONeill "Mitchel's an asshole"-Everyone "4D!"-Caitlin "5D!"-Kate O'F "ALL OF THE D'S!!!"-Caitlin 'Philosophy ' "The Greeks were REALLY bisexual. ALL the time" - Hannah "Puppy-kicking gives me intense pleasure" - Fiachra (Name of philosopher John Locke is projected onto board) "Johnlock!!!" - Molly and Hannah "I'm going to call my first child Alcatron Danger O'Brolcháin, and my second child shall be called Jumpy. He shall be the jumping child." - Fiachra "North Korea is the best Korea." - Oscar "You're throwing your love around like a hot fish on a cold day." - Jack "Philosophy is just thinking on steroids." - Niamh "Hannah, do you want to know something about Shakespeare?" - Molly "Yeah." - Hannah "He was REALLY bisexual. ALL the time." - Molly "Not to be irrelevant or anything but rhubarb is a synonym for argument." - Joseph "I wrote a tweet yesterday and it was 42 characters long and I felt good about myself. I felt that was a good tweet." - Jack "2000 years ago, when Fiachra was best friends with Jesus..." - Niamh "2000 years ago, Fiachra was young..." - Hannah (Whilst discussing Kant's views on synthetic a priori truths) "Do you think there can be such a thing as synthetic a priori truths?" - Fiachra "I think there Kant." - John "If you eat a Sportalian, does it count as cannibalism?" - Hannah "Let's taint it with our asses!" - Julie (Singing to the tune of Let's Get Physical) "Let's get empirical. Empirical!" - Sam "PLOCRATES!" - everyone "Hannah, don't make me throw this burning hot coffee in your face." - Fiachra "But were the Greeks bisexual errday?" - Hannah "Well, errday is all the time..." - Orla "Mordor, not murder" - Sam (After explaining anything) "Does this make some sense to you?" - Fiachra "If we had to vote that to make the population bigger you would have to cut the tall people in half to make two smaller people, I would definitely vote yes." - Aislinn TA "Though you could argue that that would make the population smaller..." - Adrian "I am the rainbow." - Fiachra (When watching 2001 A Space Odyssey during study) "Don't do drugs, kids." - Conor TA "Why aren't you all witty? Be wittier!" - Joseph "I am the Platonic form of beauty." - Hannah "What's you're favourite colour?" - Oscar (No response) - Brian "Wrong! It's green." - Oscar "Or as I like to call myself, Sacklord." - Fiachra RAs 'I was wondering why I kept splashing water on myself, like there were puddles everywhere I couldn't see.' - Helena. 'I'm gonna have to shoot that one down' - Eamonn on the topic of Malaysia Airlines appreciation. =Students 'Everyone's putting make-up on.' - Elle. 'I thought you said making bombs. Everyone make a bomb!' - Cathal. We don't need to drown her to death; just a little drown" - Ciar�án 'I have brightly-coloured balls' - Elle "Does female sperm look like?" - Dara & Aaron 'Can I have my balls back now?' - Ciarán. 'No, I like your balls.' - Briain. 'Please don't hit me with your balls.' - Elle. 'Please throw me your balls.' - Briain. 'Elle, Briain doesn't love me.' - Ciarán. 'I don't.' - Briain. 'I also have quite many hairs on my forearms, but they're light so you can't see them.' - Elle. 'Stealth hairs.' - Ciarán. 'Never stick your hands up my ass again!' - Ciarán, to Paddy. 'Someone hold him, I need to get the handcuffs out.' - Ciarán, about Paddy. 'I'm on my, like, 8th pair of handcuffs.' - Paddy. 'Today we had a conversation about whether a heron was a pedophile or a drug dealer.' - Eve. 'I will stab you with my love knife.' - Michael. 'Don't be upsetti, eat spaghetti!' -Table/Evan 'It's an important book. It says so on the cover.' - Cian S. 'Who did you shift at the disco?' - Luke "I dunno, twin one?' -Fedor 'Stop spanking me with a sword. Stop spanking me with the holy wand.' - Teddy. 'Don't kill the patient, don't ride the patient. That's it.' - the Hippocratic Oath according to James F. Re an abortion debate, "I'm all for killing a baby. But giving a woman the choice to do it?" -Shane M. "I think minorities are minorities for a reason"-Aoife Denning. 'Your head is so big and hard it hurts my hands'-Clara Barry 'I don't even have a vagina but i crossed my legs'- Sam "hows hannahs dead poet boyfriend ?"-Emily 'It's more illegal for him than it is for me.' - Briain. 'Do Sportalians have funerals?' - Elle. 'Do Sportalians even have elbows? Like, I've never seen one of them bend their arm.' - James. 'You added me on Facebook, so screw you.' 'Please don't screw me.' 'I already have.' - Michelle and Isabelle 'This is an ancient Chinese song called Tu Ning.' - MC John at the Talent Show. 'Casual racism!' - MCs John and Jason. "If I looked like Zac Effron, it wouldn't bother him so much" - James "It was sticking out, it's not that hard" - Joe "Close your eyes you skanks!" - Callum K "You smell like a horse after you've been riding them. LOUIS" - Paul "Got him in the ass" - Joe "Think about how much fun you have when you're alone. Now double it." - Paul about twins "I'm loving that I will see ballsack up until the moment I go to sleep" - John O'S "I thought her dignity was a horcrux" - Liam "Excuse me, Mr. Chronological" - Liam "Usually, all you hear is sound" - Paul "Stroking your sole Kat, stroking your sole... I feels so nice. I love the ridge." -Méabh "I don't like cannibalism." -Jack S "It's a piece of fucking grass!" -Paddy loudly in the middle of book club 'In-Jokes' 'Who knows, only God.' - Cian S. "You kinda look like a sad triangle." - Alison F "Hey, it's little nipper!" - Everyone, to Callum Exploding embryos with Bridget. 'Louis!' - Everyone, in high pitched voices THE ALL-MIGHTY DICK #better than Eamonn(god) - Richard's RA group "Body of Christ!" "EAMONN!!!!!" - Eamonn's RA Group "NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO" - Law in a Bogger accent Category:Forensic Archaeology